bad dreams

One of the nicer (although unexpected) things about getting older (cough, over 30, cough) is that I don't really have nightmares any more, just dreams with unsettling themes, like I've been left in charge of something and it's gone wrong and I don't know if I'm going to get busted or not. Another one is I'm in my old bedroom at my parents' house and the front wall has moved away from the ceiling by several inches and the rain is pouring in. So on this page I'll occasionally document my bad dreams. For amusement purposes only :) ... of course.

21 March 2018

I was supposed to be playing in a band with my ex⁽¹⁾ and "our" daughter⁽²⁾ who was 15 and played bass guitar. I was supposed to be playing violin. Someone handed me a magazine with a picture of a violin printed full-size. I was meant to play that? Apparently. I just stared at it, thinking this must be a bad joke. Meantimes my ex had bounded up to say hello. He seemed pleased to see me. I was suspicious.⁽³⁾ I ate some dried apricots. He wanted to kiss me. I wanted to finish eating the apricots first. Some people saw us in an awkward embrace. It was awkward all round.

(1) - playing in a band with my ex is a recurring theme when I dream about him, about a quarter of the dreams are like that. Sometimes he's in a band I used to like, sometimes it's one that doesn't exist in reality (that I know of). In these dreams there's never been a rehearsal of any sort and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I can't play the instrument either (in the dream or irl).

(2) - "our" daughter - it was one of his RL daughters, I think the younger one, although she's not 15 and doesn't have long blonde hair or play bass guitar. But in the dream she was supposedly his and mine.

(3) - I was suspicious - I did used to go to gigs where I knew my ex would be, just to get a glimpse of him. I loved him, he didn't love me, you know how it goes. So if I had turned up at a gig and he was pleased to see me, I would be wondering why. Presumably in the dream he knew I was supposed to be playing in his band...? I don't know why I dream this crap, seriously.

13 March 2018

Grass was growing out of my lower legs. Not soft green lawn grass but thin grey-blue spiky sand-dune grass. I couldn't understand how it got there.

9 March 2018

When I eventually got about 3 hours sleep I dreamt I had an oversized baby, a bit older than newborn, who didn't quite fit in the places she was supposed to go. I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Very symbolic of where my life is right now (I don't have a baby, though).

last updated 24 March 2018